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What A Woman Wants Vs. What A Man Wants

WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep,One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course.This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.


Freindship: Men vs Women

Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.


And They Say Blondes Are Dumb

One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wfe, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."


Definition Of UGLY
An UGLY woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins?"
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"


I'm Looking For My Wife

Two guys are walking around the mall when their carts collide. One guy says to the other, "Hey, I looking for my wife?"
" What a conincidence, so am I," says the other man. "Maybe I can help you. What does she look like?"
" Well, she's tall, thin, has dark hair, nice big firm boobs and tight rear end. What does your wife look like?"
" Nevermind, lets just go look for yours."